Less Uncertain

Well, Steve opted to become a contractor at his work so that he doesn't have to stay in school to keep the job. So, he's working full-time now. In the meantime, though, Steve is looking for a better job. He enjoys what he's doing but I'd like him to get something more permanent. We're going to get the internet at home so that Steve doesn't have to leave all the time to get on the internet to apply for jobs.

After looking at our expenses, it appears that, if I stopped work, under a budget, we can survive. Steve has to bag his lunches and only get new computer games and music for birthdays/holidays, we may have to eat out and go to the movies less often, and buy less of the nonessential food items like chips and ice cream. Also, we may have to eventually lose our cell phones and get a home phone. Apart from those things, I don't see anything else that we may be willing to cut out.

Health Update: Still sick. I have an appointment tomorrow. Steve is going to come too because he wants more proof that I'm actually pregnant. hah.

The Uncertain Future

If Steve doesn't get a new job, the backup plan is for him to keep is current job which pays about $34K full-time or $16/hr part-time and they would pay for grad school. The only problem with it is that, if he continues to work less than 40 hrs/week, it is not enough to cover our expenses. We would have to take from whatever I save up from my job. This money may keep us out of the hole for 15 months or so after I stop working when the baby comes. So, Steve would have to get a major raise before the money runs out and before we get kicked out of our apartment for over-occupying it.

If Steve gets a job that pays enough, we may be able to use my money to save up for a down-payment on a low-cost home. This is my ideal goal.

Otherwise, if we can't afford to rent a bigger apartment once we get kicked out of ours, we would have to move in with Steve's parents. Either that, or I have to return to work and stick our kid in day care.

Health update:

I'm still throwing up and losing weight. The medication that I was given never worked so I stopped taking it after a week. I'm down to 104.8 lbs (14 lbs total loss). I hope that it will get better in 2 weeks. By then, though, I'm afraid I'll be weighing at under 100 lbs. Getting tired of throwing up everything, I'm hating food more, and I'm running out of food options and so I'm crying a lot about it. I've been coming to work 2 hours late most days and am running out of sick-leave hours.

Music

Every day, during my 1-hour commute, I listen to Classical WETA 90.9. I find that this music is more pleasant and more stimulating than anything else on the radio or on my CDs. I realize that after listening to it to and from work everyday for the past month or so, I haven't gotten tired from it and I've never had to change the station. There is so much variety with so high of a quality. On Tuesday, I was thinking about it and it was bringing tears to my eyes that there could be something so uplifting playing on the radio in these times. This radio station is listener-supported and doesn't play a whole bunch of ads or anything. So, I decided to go to the radio station's website and donate $50 to it. $50 is about how much we would spend on CDs in a year. I listen to this radio station more often than to the CDs, so I figured that it was a good amount.

On another note, I was watching the WETA channel on TV yesterday and a documentary on ice cream made me cry for a different reason. Thinking about how horrible everything tastes to me and how I don't enjoy eating anything like I used to enjoy eating ice cream caused a emotional breakdown. I was telling Steve about it and he decided to go to the grocery store for me to buy me some split pea soup and popsicles. I love him so much. I also am very appreciative that he's spending a lot of time applying for jobs. I really hope that he gets one: even if it means that we have to move to Alaska.

Update #2

Yes, I am still losing weight as I am currently down to 108 lbs. But, don't worry: I still look relatively healthy. I am not skeletal or anything. By the calendar, I'm 11 weeks pregnant, so I still have at least 2 weeks until the end of my first trimester. I feel grateful that the 1-a-day vomiting isn't too bad and that I can still mostly eat and keep down relatively normal food.

My gratitude increases whenever I hear about people that have become really bad off. It is pretty terrible that other people's misery can make me feel happy! Sister Holder was telling me that one of her daughters got down to 75 lbs! And Steve told me that some guy at his work was telling him that his wife couldn't even keep down ice chips! She had to be hospitalized, of course.

I have a friend that told me that she didn't really get sick that often, but that it took her 5 years and 10 miscarriages before she could even have a baby. And the baby was born 6 weeks premature with a final hospital bill of over 6 figures! Steve has a cousin with a similar story. I feel so badly about these horrible experiences that many people have had and, at the same time, I feel so happy that I am well and that the pregnancy is pretty normal and so forth.

Life Update

According to the calendar, I'm at 9 weeks pregnant. According to the size of my baby, I'm only 7 1/2 weeks pregnant. I hope that this doesn't lengthen my first trimester. I'm still throwing up everyday. I lost 3 lbs last week bringing my total loss to 7 lbs. I weigh 111.8 lbs now. The doctor prescribed me a suppository for the nausea but I haven't decided to start taking it yet.

Our refrigerator is getting replaced today. Thank goodness! So, I'll be able to eat refrigerated foods again!

Steve has been going to his mom's house to use the internet in order to apply for jobs. I'm still feeling pretty optimistic for him. If I can get a good job with a bachelors in math, surely he can get one with a bachelors in physics! Though, there are more applicants these days than there were when I got my job 1 1/2 years ago.